It means to switch direction. To redirect someone or something onto a more suitable path.
2018 was all about Patience. It was a good year to practice it as well, especially towards the end of it. Learning to wait and believing that good things will come about was the greatest lesson of all that could’ve came out of this year. Over the years, I noticed that I was becoming a more quick-paced individual. It doesn’t sound bad, but it’s also not someone I am naturally.
Being the type that enjoys taking the scenic route, the past few years of my life haven’t been very “present” for me. I feel like I spent a lot of 2017 stressing over things that I couldn’t control. Things that would take care of themselves without me dictating it. And so for 2018, I wanted to be more patient and just allow things to work the way they would. And if things didn’t go as planned, I didn’t want to stress out about it anymore.
2018 definitely took a ton of detours that I wasn’t prepared for. But at the end of it, I think I did well with exercising more patience. I can do better, and I’ll continue to work on that. But for 2019, we have a new word for the year.
Slowing down and taking the time to re-evaluate myself in 2018 actually prompted me to learn a lot about myself. And among many things that I learned, one of the areas I didn’t like about myself in 2018 was that I am pretty quick to give up.
This isn’t something new to me. I’ve always known subconsciously that I have a hard time committing to something. Whether it be projects, people, events, planning lol, it is hard for me to stick to doing one thing.
A minor reason for why I am this way is because I like doing a variety of things. So it’s easy for me to become disinterested in something that isn’t working for me.
But, I learn a major reason for why I do that this year after doing some self-observations.
I don’t like to commit because I have a terrible fear of failure.
And it’s pretty ironic because I tend to fail a LOT.
And I DO mean…
A LOT. 😐
But to counteract that, I have quite a domineering stubborn trait. It seems that no matter how many times I give up, I circle back around eventually because I just want to make sure I gave it all I got.
It’s a very back and forth process with me and it drives me crazy. I hate flat out quitting, but at the same time I’m quick to want to give up.
My blog and youtube channel are prime examples of this internal conflict.
The fact that my youtube channel is still public and active over a year later feels me with great achievement! I was sure I was going to shut down my youtube channel six months in since that is normally what I do. When I started this blog in March of this year, I was pretty sure that was also something that would die in a few months.
The old me would’ve definitely shut this whole operation down. She would’ve convinced me that I didn’t really want to do this and that I should find something else I was better at. She would’ve harrassed me constantly that I didn’t have what it took. That the end goal wouldn’t even be worth it. And just flat out told me I couldn’t do it.
I feel I spent a good chunk of 2018 listening to her, which brought me close to quitting everything… several times.
Changing It Up
Around August and September of this year, I started trying to change gears. I just wanted to be happy. Yes, I wanted positivity in my life again. And I didn’t want to spend anymore time wondering why I wasn’t the same happy-go-lucky person that I was years before. I just wanted to be that happy-go-lucky girl again.
Even though at the end of the day, I didn’t reach many of my end goals that I had set, the best thing I got out of it was optimism. Something that was getting away from me more and more every year. I felt myself becoming very cynical, very critical and judgemental and that is just NOT someone I wanted to be.
I am observant and analytical by nature. But I felt I was only observing and analyzing the negatives in life without comparing them to the positives. My perspective was getting so crowded with everything that I wasn’t, that I just forgot everything that I was.
To put it all into a short sentence…
I was stuck.
That’s why I chose “reroute” for my word of the year in 2019.
I don’t want to continue to let obstacles decide whether I keep pursuing my goals or not. This year, I have to “reroute” my thinking.
I want to condition myself to first think of alternatives before I think about giving up. If it wasn’t for my stubborn personality trait, there’s probably so much MORE I would’ve given up on, and not just youtube and blogging.
I understand that sometimes, there are many good reasons to give up and let go. But for what I’ve noticed in myself, I wasn’t giving up simply because it was the better option. I was giving up because I was scared.
When you’re scared, you don’t want to try. You assume that it can only go downhill from there, so you want to stop the pain before it gets any worse.
But the beauty of being at the bottom is that…
You can only go up from here.
This year, whenever life gets stressful, I want to first remind myself that there is an alternative way. That I might need to shake things up. I don’t want to continue to get caught up in where I am supposed to be. Where I am compared to others. What I should be doing, opportunities I should’ve taken, none of that. I’m not going to let fear force me to quit and cower in a corner. I’m just going to keep finding different routes.
Because at the end of the day…
I just need to get there, no matter which route I end up traveling on.
Do you have a word of the year? Share down below in the comments sections!